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Yahtzee really quite likes Call of Duty 4
It's been months since Yahtzee riffed on a PS3 game but today he's given his special attention to PS3 Fanboy's GOTY 2007, Call of Duty 4. Fittingly he seems to quite like it, though he doesn't quite place it among the high echelons of the likes of Portal - and rightly so. As usual his review is dead on.If you're new to the world of Zero Punctuation and enjoy the above video, then make sure you check out all of his other reviews. We've been watching since he first criticised the Heavenly Sword(s) demo way back in the mists of 2007. Please Yahtzee, if you're reading this, review more PS3 games!
Zero Punctuation goes through the motions with Umbrella Chronicles
The anger just isn't there this week as Zero Punctuation's Yahtzee experiences the difficulty curve of the Wii's zombie-blasting rail shooter, Resident Evil: Umbrella Chronicles. Yahtzee still "brings it" to our expectations, but what is there left to "be brought" when mocking the Resident Evil series? Yahtzee takes digs at the RE story, dialogue, and tops it with some decent potshots at the characters -- but really, who hasn't done that at this point in gaming history? In the end, he respects Umbrella Chronicles for doing something different. Hopefully The Escapist can afford to get the guy a game to actually be angry about next week.After the break is where you'll find this week's NSFW clip.
Zero Punctuation not bewitched by The Witcher
In the latest installment of Zero Punctuation, Yahtzee (or rather Retard McSpacky Pants) has set his foul-mouthed sights on The Witcher, a computer RPG in the truest of forms (i.e. a really big manual and familiar medieval fantasy setting) also dubbed a "MUMORPUGER." If you're wondering what a MUMORPUGER is, McSpacky Pants defines it as follows: "One click combat, endless drudging from place to place, quests involving killing X amount of monster Y for lazy stationary ... NPC 'Z.'" The NSFW video is embedded after the break. Stay tuned for after the credits roll for an adjustment of sorts to the Painkiller intro cinematic. [Thanks to everyone who sent this in!]
Zero Punctuation causes 'Crysis' with vaguely positive review
Not since the Orange Box review has Zero Punctuation's Yahtzee spoken so highly of a game as he does this week about Crysis. And by "so highly" we mean he hates it slightly less than usual and barely manages a recommendation of it.Yahtzee was certainly enamored with how pretty Crysis is, going so far as saying if the game were personified and in a male prison it would probably have it pretty rough -- well, unless the first-person shooter was into that sort of thing. Speaking of "that sort of thing," he does mention that your high-end PC may not be able to sit for a couple days given the PC parts needed to get it running at its very best.Anyway, check out this week's NSFW review of Crysis after the break.
Zero Punctuation visits Silent Hill's origins and dies inside
Yahtzee's got a soft spot for the Silent Hill series, a soft spot that had a steel spike jammed through it during Silent Hill Origins. Believing that the game was nothing but a fan-service cash-in he declares the series dead after his experience with Origins and Silent Hill 4: The Room -- but he's leaving a spot in his blackened heart for redemption with Silent Hill 5. So prepare yourself for a four minute Zero Punctuation rant that even our resident Silent Hill fanboy declares, "Wow, that's one of [Yahtzee's] best yet!"Find this week's NSFW trip to Silent Hill by Yahtzee after the break.
Super Yahtzee Galaxy
Ben "Yahtzee" Croshaw has turned his attentions to Nintendo's flagship product for 2007 (no, not Wii Play, the other one), posting a review of Super Mario Galaxy. Longtime fans of Zero Punctuation may be surprised to hear that he likes the game. He described how he started off with bad memories of Super Mario Sunshine and therefore didn't expect much, but found himself getting completely into Galaxy.Of course, he likes the game in the angriest, most openly mocking way possible, but that's his way. Aside from a major quibble about the controls (after opining that the game would have been better with a GameCube pad, he astutely suggests that the game "denigrates the very console it's trying to sell), Mario Galaxy comes out as an overall positive experience, seeming to redeem "the lurching atrocity that is Nintendo's main franchise." Even if it does retread the Peach kidnapping.As usual, this review is not safe for work. Your work: this is not safe for it. It's embedded after the break for your protection.
Zero Punctuation review of Super Mario Galaxy confirms death wish
Yahtzee has said before he's not all too happy with Nintendo's formulaic habits during his Phantom Hourglass review and now cements it with his take on Super Mario Galaxy. It also cements that his bunker in Uluru better be well fortified with an army made up of the other eight Mario-haters on the planet because the Nintendo Defense Force ... they're coming.He pretty much beats on Super Mario Galaxy for being, well, a Mario game. There's also a tangent about how Mario and Bowser's relationship has become a bit awkward: even though they fight from time to time, they also do social activities like go racing together and play tennis. Just a bit strange when your arch-nemesis is the guy you play doubles with.Find this week's NSFW death wish edition of Zero Punctuation after the break.
Zero Punctuation sets its sights on Mass Effect
It's frequently fitting that we begin Zero Punctuation related stories with a disclaimer, so here we go. If you a) love Mass Effect or b) have no sense of humor, you'd best turn around right now. This week, as you may have guessed, Yahtzee takes on BioWare's latest opus, Mass Effect. To put it succinctly, Mass Effect joins the likes of Guitar Hero III and Jericho. In other words, he's not a fan. His major beefs are the game's heavy amount of text and some less than great combat. You can find the video embedded after the break. It is, as usual, not safe for work.
Zero Punctuation affected by Mass Effect's verbiage
Yahtzee delves into the interstellar drama of Mass Effect this week and walks away with the same issues as many others, but explains it in a way that only the British expatriate can. We already know Yahtzee doesn't like America very much, so we'll take it as a back-handed compliment that he doesn't mind listening to all the North American accents in Mass Effect as compared to Wookies grunt groan bellowing (what do Wookies do?) through Knights of the Old Republic. As his issue with Mass Effect lies in its wealth of dialog and text, we'll just end this post now.Find this week's NSFW dose of Zero Punctuation after the break.
Zero Punctuation takes on Guitar Hero III
Love him or hate him, Yahtzee always seems to invoke some sort of emotion with his crudely worded, flash animation reviews. This week, he tackles Guitar Hero III, and guess what? He hates it. It seems that Activision just can't get any love today.Watch him bash the game and defend his heterosexuality in the NSFW video after the break.
Zero Punctuation smashes Guitar Hero III
Another week, another blistering Zero Punctuation review from our pal Yahtzee*. This week, the Brit expatriate takes on Guitar Hero III. The long and the short of it is that Yahtzee believes the game has simply ceased to be fun. More to the point, he says that anyone claiming to five star final songs on expert are simply "freaks." Yahtzee also shares our confusion as to why Clive Winston (our favorite character) was removed from the character roster. Honestly, it's probably best that you just watch the video rather than have us attempt to summarize it any further. Find it embedded after the break (incredibly NSFW, by the way).*Yahtzee is not our pal. We doubt, in fact, that he is anyone's "pal".
Zero Punctuation wails on Guitar Hero III
Yahtzee puts in plain speak during the latest Zero Punctuation review that Guitar Hero III is when the Guitar Hero series stopped being fun. Because you see, there's this wall that players hit and the game becomes impossible. Yahtzee doesn't want to hear it -- and neither do we -- if you're the only guy in your village who beat everything backward and forward. You aren't average, normal, or in any way a part of the natural order of sheep that make up the population of our little planet. Also, in this very special episode of Zero Punctuation, Yahtzee puts questions about his sexuality to rest.Find your weekly dose of (NSFW) unhinged rage after the break.[Thanks Mromson]
Zero Punctuation spares the life of Assassin's Creed
This week, rapid-fire ranter Yahtzee turns his verbal assassination skills on a game with a matching murderous motif, Assassin's Creed. Though Ubisoft's expansive bump-off sim has divided gamers and critics alike, Yahtzee picks a clear side by the end of this Zero Punctuation episode -- and it's not the one you might expect. Though he didn't approve of the combat or "wordy" dialogue (watch out, Mass Effect), it seems the Prince of Persia-esque platforming and non-linear "faffing about" convinced the man with the sweet hat to give the game an overall thumbs up.Didn't see that coming, did you? Find the (NSFW) video proof after the break.
Zero Punctuation sorta likes Assassin's Creed
It's become something of a tradition at this point. If it's Wednesday, it's time for another Zero Punctuation review from The Escapist. Chances are, if it's a 360 review, we're going to feature it here. Why? Because they're damned funny and we need the relief. This week, Yahtzee takes a look at Assassin's Creed as the result of several viewers emailing him about how awful it is. Looks like their plan backfired though, because it turns out Yahtzee actually likes it. It's not perfect -- far from it, as Yahtzee puts it squarely in the bronze medal category -- but in the end even the crabbiest game reviewer on the planet tells reviewers to "give it a chance." Yeah, we're shocked, too. The review is definitely not safe for work, so we've embedded it after the break. Enjoy.
Zero Punctuation boos F.E.A.R. expansion
Having traipsed through the corridors of Valve's American headquarters, Zero Punctuation's Yahtzee is notably unimpressed with the assignment greeting him upon his return. More creepy corridors, this time found in "uninformatively" titled F.E.A.R. expansion, Perseus Mandate. While he appreciates the infrequent mind-bending sequences (they're rather scares, you see), Yahtzee can't wrap his brain around the developer's constant recycling of environments and combat. As usual, hidden within the rapid-fire rants and elaborately constructed metaphors lies an astute observation -- how is this game supposed to be scary if your character's running around with a bloody bazooka? Check out the video after the break... and note the special threat message left for last week's Zero Punctuation imitator.
'Some Punctuation' riffs on Yahtzee's Art of Theft
Ben "Yahtzee" Croshaw, illegitimate love child of Eddie Izzard and Six from Blossom, is apparently on a week long sabbatical from tearing popular games a new one. He's spending his time off touring the offices of Valve, who enjoyed his recent review of The Orange Box. However, we're jonesing for our Zero Punctuation fix. We get cranky when we don't hear those rapid-fire quips, that sophisticated inflection, that finely-tuned profanity.Luckily, a YouTuber using the pseudonym "Some Punctuation" (we see what you did there) has done his own Yahtzee-esque review of, appropriately enough, Croshaw's latest indie title, TRILBY: Art of Theft. While he lacks the vocal deftness and charming accent of the real deal, he's got the visuals and sarcasm down pat. It's a decent placekeeper for the weekly lambasting, but we'll have to wait until Wednesday to truly fill that Yahtzee-sized hole in our hearts.
Yahtzee travels to America, visits Valve
We all know that Yahtzee -- of Zero Punctuation fame -- has a bit of a skewed view on American culture. So perhaps it's fortuitous that Valve invited him to fly out to Washington to visit their studio, fire guns, and witness the wonder that is modern American airport security.No video this time, folks. Yahtzee takes it all in through the ancient medium of travelogue, with a few pictures mixed in for good measure. Still, the tone is undeniably his, and you can practically hear the dulcet rhythms of his accented vulgarity. Check out the piece for some new tidbits on Valve's survival horror title Left 4 Dead, as well as some keen insight into the team's design process.
Zero Punctuation lambasts Clive Barker's Jericho
Where would we be without Yahtzee and his infinitely entertaining Zero Punctuation reviews? Well, truthfully, we'd be in exactly the same place we are now, but we'd be somewhat less entertained. This week, Zero Punctuation takes on Clive Barker's Jericho and it's an absolute hate-fest. Seriously, ZP usually has a few "it's not that bad" moments, but not this week. If you like Jericho -- not very likely, looking at the statistics -- you'd best avert your gore-loving eyes. Us, we're just glad to have something to brighten up an otherwise dull Wednesday (seriously, did you try this week's XBLA games?).
Zero Punctuation hates Jericho
This week on Zero Punctuation, Yahtzee travels back to the time when our game selection was much slimmer and hates on Clive Barker's Jericho. It's worth noting that even a month later the spread on reviews for Jericho is still quite impressive. Yahtzee complains about the colors, design and just the overall product that has rekindled his hatred after weeks of ho-hum blood lust. Let's see if The Escapist can stop sending Yahtzee games by carrier pigeon to Australia and get him some games from the deluge we currently find ourselves in.
Zero Punctuation guy makes games too
Sick of Ben "Yahtzee" Croshaw trashing your favorite games each week on Zero Punctuation? Well, you might have an opportunity to level the playing field a little. In addition to being a snarky British journalist, Yahtzee is also a snarky British game designer. His site hosts a number of adventure games he's created over the years, but his latest creation -- TRILBY: Art of Theft -- has been published over at The Escapist.Unlike Yahtzee's other titles, Art of Theft is actually a platforming game, where players must perform a number of stealthy heists by infiltrating facilities and looting them without tripping alarms. For those interested in playing, we fully encourage critical reviews through the medium of YouTube, using clever illustrations, sharp wit, big words, and funny accents.Or, if you like it, that's totally fine too.
