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Crapgadget CES, round six: 4D Vibestar vibrating lumbar speaker system
Combining two of our favorite things, massages and LOUD noises. Feel the sound... in your lower-back.
Crapgadget CES, round five: iPad 2 / 3 case is probably just one third short
What's this, an iPad case that will work with either the iPad 2 or the iPad 3? According to the vendor, that's exactly what it is. Maybe so -- maybe not so.
Crapgadget CES, round four: iBallz is the ultimate, intimate gadget protector
Grab your iPad by the iBallz. It's safer that way. Trust us.
Crapgadget CES, round three: EZ Gas Check draws you into danger
Remember kids: when you're hovering over copious amounts of leaking gas, that yellow icon means you're basically safe. Maybe.
Crapgadget CES 2012, round two: Mugtuk's child-scaring hugging iPhone case
Kids love iPhones, which is always a panic when you hand a volatile infant a $650 smartphone. That's why Mugtuk have produced this pleasant way to terrify your children into never wanting to touch your phone ever again.
Crapgadget CES 2012, round one: Watch your Bag
The Alarm Clock that comes with a bag filled with a rainbow of morphing colors. An Alarm Clock that comes with a bag, filled with a rainbow of morphing col... An... Alarm. Clock. that. comes. with a bag... filled with a rainbow of morphing colors. There are no wires to plug in, which is good, because if you're the sort of person who would consider this a wise purchase you probably can't afford an electricity bill.
Crapgadget: holidon't edition
What's that? You weren't sufficiently inspired by our last Crapgadget guide to gift misgivings? Good news, with the holidays rapidly approaching, the Crapgadgets are coming fast and furious, and we've got some great selections for the frenemy or enefriend on your list, including a telephone shower head and, as always, plenty of cringe-inspiring smartphone cases. Read - Borrowing from Steve Jobs's already-borrowed tagline was a nice sentiment, but doesn't change the fact that this knockoff Magna Doodle iPhone case is, perhaps fittingly, called the iFoolish. Read - Not important enough to have your shower wiretapped? This giant red phone shower head is surely the next best thing. Read - Apparently landline nostalgia is all the rage, and the unfortunately named Mofone can help you get on board, by removing all of that pesky portability from your smartphone. Read - Remember that Dick Tracy strip where the yellow trench coated police detective traveled to a future where everything was kind of crummy? Us either, but if that ever happened, he was probably wearing one of these.%Poll-71482%
Crapgadget: iStation woos Apple romantics with the glory of the late '70s, fails
Some people buy tablets for their portability and convenience. Others get sucked into the pitfalls of gadget lust, snatching up the latest tech. But for the dedicated fanboy, there's a whole world of unnecessary kitsch just waiting to relieve'em of those hard-earned greenbacks. Enter M.I.C.'s iStation: an iOS dock in sorta, kinda Apple I / II clothing (their claim, not ours) that's ready and willing to cash in on your tech industry nostalgia. Alright, so this $85 setup won't exactly ape those Jobs / Woz lovechildren of the late '70s, but it does pack stereo speakers, a subwoofer, Bluetooth keyboard, USB port, microSD card slot and a 3.5mm headphone jack into its wood-paneling. Feeling spendthrifty? Good, then you can fork over the dough at the source below. Or, if you still need convincing, peep the video after the break and soak up the heavenly choral music.
Crapgadget: 'you really shouldn't have' edition
Looking for a great gift for someone you love? Look no further than our extensive Holiday Gift Guides. Looking for a gift for someone for whom you harbor a strong sense of indifference or vague dislike? We've got your back with this installment of Crapgadget, featuring a security-enabled fanny pack, some suction cup speakers and a bedazzled bird. Read - Here's one way to assure that your iPhone 4 never gets stolen: dress it up like an awful looking camera. Read - USB speakers with suction cups on the back? Perhaps it's time to instate suckgadget. Read - You'll never fly high with bedazzled wings. Yep, we featured a similar bird speaker before, but we figured this ornamentation deserved a second go 'round. Read - It seems to us that wearing a fanny pack is its own built-in security system, but if you're still concerned about people nabbing something from your midsection, the Waist Pack with Built-in Personal Security Alarm can help. Read- No need to chalk up your palms before the next round of PS3 gaming. %Poll-71293%
Crapgadget: BFF Gemz dilute the notion of a best friend (video)
If you want a charm that hangs 'round your neck and glows whenever your friend Missy tells you she loves Justin Bieber, then eMotion Inc has the gadget for you. The BFF Gemz sends pre-written coded messages to pals up to 450 feet away, which they can access the next time they're at a computer. You can add up to eight best friends (the BFF currency devalued to Weimar proportions) and four more if you buy some GPA: Girl Power Average points. It's not entirely private: Mom and Pop will get a weekly email, listing who you're messaging, so if you swap notes with that gal from the wrong end of town you'd better stick to paper airplanes. Those curious to see what the kids might be clamoring for instead of a new cellphone, check out the video after the break.
The droid nobody was looking for: an R2-D2 MP4 player
We all know the story of how Artoo braved the sands of Tatooine to deliver Princess Leia's message to old Ben, but we never guessed that he encoded it as an MP4. Leave it to Toys 'R' Us to set the story straight: R2-D2 was a music player, C-3P0 was an overcomplicated set of earbuds, and MPEG-4 is apparently a galactic standard music format. Who knew? According to the droid's product page, it can hold up to 500 songs on 2GB of internal storage. There's also a questionable image (we're looking at you, Empire Photoshop brigade) promising video playback, photo storage, extras, settings and some sort of recording feature. We aren't sure if this choppy image can be trusted, but we're thinking about sending out some Bothan spies to investigate.
Crapgadget: 'it seemed like a good idea at the time' edition
We're sure that most inventors out there are genuinely looking to make the world a better place, but the best intentions don't always produce the best inventions, and while the following gadgets will all likely appeal to someone, somewhere, we can't exactly recommend, say, an ear-shaped iPhone case or a $300 toothpaste squeezer. But as the saying goes, "one man's crapgadget is another man's treasure." Read - It's like a beanbag chair for your iPad! For your lap! Read - At $300, this toothpaste tube squeezer should pay for itself exactly one day before the sun burns out. Read - How is this iPhone case different than all other iPhone cases? Simple: it makes it look like you've contracted some sort of engorged ear disease. Never get bothered during important phone calls again! Read - It's a battery charger! For the ladies!%Poll-69353%
Crapgadget: 'after school special' edition
School can be tough, especially when you're different. So what better way to keep the bullies at bay than to get your craptastic accessory freak on. In this special back to school bonanza of creeper tech, Hong Kong-based watchmaker o.d.m. mashes E.T. with a gummy bunny for a wrist-rocking return to infancy, Strapya World takes you by the baby's hand for iPhone 4 case comfort, while Dane-Elec's E-Razor USB stick goes undercover in a block full of erasing rubber. And if you're looking for a soundtrack throwback to match the solar-powered butterfly you've stuck in your Jansport, Brando's got you covered with its USB Cassette Capture & Player. Take a gander at the roundup below and make sure to vote for the crapgadget most likely to not succeed.
Crapgadget: 'money to burn' edition
Gadgets can radically alter our lives -- they can save us time and money and improve our health. And then there's the crapgadget, a breed of technology seemingly designed for little more than draining our already microscopic bank accounts. But hey, it's your money, and if you want to spend it on, say, an inflatable outdoor movie theater, a speaker shaped like a tiny bird, or a case for your iPhone with a terrifying fake beetle attached, that's your call. If you need us, however, we'll be recovering from our solo table tennis game by fanning ourselves off with our smartphone. Check out the latest craptastic roundup below, and be sure to vote for your (least) favorite.
Crapgadget: 'atrocious amalgam' edition
Sure, it may not be as functional as a 3 megapixel camera conspicuously disguised as a magnetic cat, but what could be more secure than an oversized pseudo-padlock thumbdrive? Not your style? Well, surely you have use for a new towel, complete with iPhone pocket? No? Might you enjoy re-training yourself to breathe while basking in the glow of your iPod-ready black light? Fine. Negative Nancy (shown above). We'll just leave you to your USB-warmed coffee and rage relief button. When you're ready to come out and play, hit up the links below to help us crown the king of crappy combos. Read - Brando Flash Drive (Looks like a padlock!) Read - USB cup warmer (with a massive 56-inch USB cable!) Read - A black light -- with an iPod dock! Read - Visualizing pulse meter (for learning how to breathe!) Read - Gym towel iPhone pocket! Read - The unfortunate offspring of the Staples Easy Button's sordid love affair with a stress ball. %Poll-63853%
Nu-Screen HD polishes your screen, doesn't moisturize your lips
If you've ever been concerned about fingerprint smudges compromising your smartphone's password, this might just be a viable solution. Nu-Screen, a company little known around these parts, has launched the Nu-Screen HD polish stick which promises to leave a "slippery smooth, non-greasy surface" on your screen. How certain are we that smearing this mystery substance on your device will prevent smudges? Well, let's just say we'd rather pat some baby powder onto our hands. But hey, if you're willing to give this a go, hit up the source link to purchase the $26 jank stick -- just make sure not to confuse this with your cherry ChapStick.
This year's hottest pocket mirror is also a USB 3.0 multi-format card reader
We always knew that the worlds of technology and popular culture were on a collision course of epic proportions, and if this isn't proof... well, you might say that proof simply doesn't exist. Brando's newest gizmo has an identity crisis that Charlie Sheen would simply salivate over, but if we had to guess, we'd surmise that a USB 3.0 SuperSpeed card reader -- complete with support for CompactFlash, SDXC and M2 cards -- does a lot more #winning with a mirror slapped onto the side. Pre-order yours today for the tidy sum of $25, or alternatively, a vial of #tigerblood.
Crapgadget: 'blurring the line between comical and offensive' edition
Just because the flow of Crapgadgets has apparently slowed from an outpouring to a mere flood doesn't mean we haven't been dutifully collecting the worst of the bad over the past few months. Without further ado, we present to you the latest edition, complete with a handful of this quarter's most atrocious / splendiferous gadgets. Frankly, it's a chore just deciding where to start -- should we extol the portable speaker kit with an utterly unnecessary Core i5 label on the outside, or give priority to Thanko's heated mousepad / hand-engulfing cat face? On second thought, maybe it's the real wood stick-on that enables every smartphone owner to literally knock on wood whenever the mood strikes. Unfortunately for us, there's also an iPhone 4 steering wheel to consider, not to mention a stick figure speaker with a questionable audio jack and a retrofied telephone with an integrated reading light. Have a peek at each below, and let us know in the poll below which is most abhorrent. And remember, honesty really is the best policy. Read - Portable speaker kit, Core i5-powered! Read - Audiobot, who could use a zippered fly Read - Thanko's cat face / mousepad / warmer Read - Knock On Wood iPhone stick-on Read - iPhone 4 steering wheel (with speakers!) Read - USB retro telephone (with alarm clock!) %Poll-62274%
Earbud / alarm clock takes the comfort out of sleeping
Love sleeping with earbuds in? Hate setting your smartphone in its alarm dock before you go to bed? The folks at Thanko have unveiled a little something called EARINALM which may be right up your alley. The premise is pretty straightforward: it's a set of earbuds that contains an alarm clock, stopwatch, and a calendar. The package includes a USB adapter of charging. Yours now for a mere ¥2,980, or roughly $35. The As Seen On TV infomercials practically write themselves.
Beauty Lift High Nose puts the plastic in (and leaves the surgery out of) plastic surgery
Sizable schnoz? Problem proboscis? Looking for a dubious, crapgadgety alternative to costly rhinoplasty? A Japanese company called Omni has a device called the Beauty Lift High Nose that claims it will do the trick. You can get yours for $140 if you dare -- but don't hold out for an Engadget review before placing your order.
