Self-proclaimed "America's finest news source" The Onion reports that Activision's latest virtual-instrument title, Sousaphone Hero, isn't selling as well as the company had hoped, despite a $25M development budget, innovative wireless sousaphone controller, and versions available for PS3, 360, and Wii. Complaints range from the title's $345 price tag, repetitive gameplay, lack of non-marching-band music, and unresponsive "oompah" meter, while pro sousaphone players have taken umbrage at the lack of realism in the game. "The fingering's completely different, for starters," according to one sousaphonist The Onion interviewed. The report also says Activision is considering shelving three more planned Hero titles due to the tepid response, including the hotly-anticipated Cymbal Hero. Looks like the golden age of marching bands is truly at an end.

[Via Joystiq]

We'll admit, every so often a certain well-constructed spoof just catches you right, and in the case of the always-witty Onion, a perfectly executed mini-newscast covering the "profound effect" of the Segway really demonstrates how much of a non-factor this thing has been. Since the original launch in 2001, a good amount of folks have avoided the two-wheeled human transporter for one reason or another -- you know, things like uncontrollably reversing, it being banned in their country, the astonishingly high pricetag, and the oh-so-critical embarrassment factor -- and the "revolution" that it was supposed to spark has still not lit a flame. Sure, Jackie Chan may have demanded that the cast members on the set of Rush Hour III all get to their places via Segway, but c'mon, we'd surmise that the vast majority of dignified individuals would rather gallop around in a horse hoof alerting hybrid than face public humiliation on one of these things. Regardless of its impact (or glaring lack thereof), be sure to hit the read link if you need a chuckle. [Warning: link contains mild profanity]

[Thanks, Ben]