After Math: Watch out now!

Both literally and figuratively.

You'd think that the week after CES would bring at least a brief lull in the firehose that is tech news, but you'd be wrong. Google's paying $40 million for Fossil's smartwatch tech; LG's holding a huge sale for last year's most expensive sets ahead of the Super Bowl; and for some reason, Aaron Sorkin doesn't think we've had enough onscreen Zuckerberg (he too is wrong).


$40 million: Google's internal efforts to revamp its smartwatch software clearly haven't done the trick. The company announced this week that it will be acquiring Fossil's smartwatch IP in an eight-figure deal along with a "portion" of their R&D team.


$29.95 a month saved: Great news, everybody! The next time you get home from the bar and decide in your infinite blackout wisdom to sign up for a monthly delivery service of corgi-themed flatware, you won't have to worry about canceling that subscription once you sober up -- at least if you paid with a Mastercard. The creditor announced this week that it will begin requiring your explicit authorization before processing recurring charges (But be warned: It's only for physical goods).


16 million US households: We're witnessing the slow death of cable before our very eyes. A recently completed Nielsen survey has found that cord-cutting has increased 50 percent over the past eight years, with more than 16 million American households having canceled their cable service in favor of streaming. Those numbers are likely to climb even higher once the rest of the US finally gets through their local service provider's labyrinthine customer-service systems.


3 strikes in 90 days: Since we're all clearly living in the dumbest timeline (looking at you Bird Box, Ice Bucket, Ghost Whip, Cinnamon and Tide Pod Challengers), YouTube is stepping up and shutting down viral video challenges on its platform. Test the company and you'll lose your ability to make custom thumbnails; push the issue and YouTube will cancel your account outright.


$1,000 discounts: Big screen TVs are a lot like luxury cars -- they're only ever worth half of what you paid for them by the time you get them home. But if you're looking to get set up ahead of the Big Game™ in February, LG's got some solid deals on last year's batch of B8 OLEDs.


Double your Zuckerberg, double your cringe: Aaron Sorkin thinks that people would willingly watch a Social Network sequel. Aaron Sorkin has never been so wrong in his entire life.


25 million likes: Because nothing says "humanity deserves the heat death" more succinctly than the fact that an egg getting more likes on the internet than Kylie Jenner is considered important news.