Americans should have started receiving their $1,200 stimulus checks this week. For those of us who haven’t seen it either snatched by our banks or already spent it on trivial items like bills, food, medicine, and rent, have I got great news: there’s still a massive, dysfunctional capitalist economy for us to prop up in this age of pestilence. Please, think of the billionaires and check out all these superfluous things you can buy with the remainder of your check!
Can’t bear to not have the latest and greatest in mid-range smartphones during the quarantine? Apple’s got you covered. For between a third and half of your payout, you can now preorder the iPhone SE. With any luck, it will arrive just before we’re allowed to stand within six feet of one another.