Holiday Gift Guide: $1001+

For him

Apple MacBook Pro 15-inch - He might gripe about the glossy display or the odd, buttonless trackpad on Apple's latest, high-performance MacBook Pro, but that will only be in between bouts of insane productivity and unbridled creativity. Or World of Warcraft.
$1,999 - $2,499+ - Buy from Apple

Woody B Internal Combustion Guitar - If his Santana-esque guitar stylings have neighbors about one decibel away from a lynching, this guitar might save some sanity. It sends noise out to an amp and then back into the guitar, where a "coupling mechanism" feeds that sound back to the strings, allowing for low-volume (and relatively low-priced) sustain and feedback. Your battered eardrums offered to chip in.
$2,500 - Buy from Woody B

Mitsubishi LaserVue 65-inch HDTV - Sure, he'll probably receive anything with "laser" in the name with great enthusiasm, but Mitsubishi's brand new LaserVue TV technology is more than just a nerdy new way to build a boob tube -- it's resulted in a couple of the best televisions ever tested. The contrast and brightness are right in there with the best plasma has to offer, but LaserVue's extensive color gamut just blows away other technologies -- for a price, of course.
$6,999 - Shop for Mitsubishi LaserVue 65-inch

Jaeger LeCoultre AMVOX2 DBS Transponder - We know it can be hard at times to rid yourself of excess briefcases of cash, but maybe Jaeger LeCoultre can help. They've built this excessively expensive watch for the sole purpose of unlocking an Aston Martin DBS (he does have an Aston Martin DBS, right?) at a 10-meter range, and will be perfect for making those cigar club buddies of his incredibly jealous. If none of this sounds remotely affordable, perhaps he might go for a Bluetooth watch -- he'll still love you. Probably.
~$40,000 - Sign up at Jaeger LeCoultre

For her

Apple MacBook - Admit it, you're considering buying yourself a new MacBook this holiday and then re-gifting your hand-me-down to the girlfriend. Don't do it. If she knows you half as well as we do then she'll understand your supreme sacrifice upon unwrapping a new unibody MacBook. Besides, once she gets bored making four-fingered gestures its yours for the taking.
$999 - Buy from Apple

Ultra Motor A2B electric bike - You want mad points? Give her a bike for Christmas, just like when she was a kid. The A2B isn't just any bike, though -- it's an electric assist bike with a full suspension that'll run for 20 miles on a charge at 20mph. Sure, she'll look a little goofy around the squares, but she'll be the star of the next Critical Mass.
$2,599 - Buy from Ultra Motor

Nikon D90 - Come on, everybody's doing it. So take advantage of the holiday season to get in on some of that hot, amateur film action with your she-lover. No green tint, no sub-VGA resolution -- just sweet 720p HD video produced by a 12.3 megapixel Nikon DX CMOS sensor and your choice of SLR lenses. Remember, Nikon targets this at "advanced amateurs" for a reason. Besides, if the goods ever end up in court as part of a divorce settlement -- it's her camera, her idea.
$1,299 - Shop for Nikon D90

For son

Blackbird 002 - An HP gaming PC may not have been at the top of many wish lists in the past, but that changed when the company went all out with its Blackbird 002 rig, which is now actually available at a few retail stores for those last-minute shoppers out there. You're also in luck if you're ordering online, as HP is offering a special config that it's actually calling the "Ultimate Stocking Stuffer" for just $2,299 until December 31st.
$2,299 and up - Buy from HP

Optimus Maximus - There were times when it seems that the Optimus Maximus would remain on our permanent wish list, but Art Lebedev finally managed to get it out the door and, while not the most practical keyboard, it certainly impresses. The word? Good for gaming and Photoshop, but you may want to skip it if Junior is writing his Great American Novel.
$1600 - Buy from Art Lebedev

Segway PT i2 Ferrari Limited Edition - Really. It's a Ferrari Segway. How can you go wrong?
Around $10,000 - Buy from Ferrari

For daughter

Motorola Aura - It's exclusive, expensive, and high-end. It boasts a 16-million (yes, million) color circular lcd, a 62-carat (yes, carat) sapphire crystal lens, and a 2.0 megapixel camera, all in the most attractive package Motorola's ever graced us with. What more could your tech-savvy princess ask for? Just be sure you get her the real thing -- a cheap knockoff really won't do.
$1,999 - Buy from Moto Store

Philips 42PFL5603D 42-inch 1080p LCD TV - Yes, this is truly a giant television to buy for your daughter, but she will inevitably think you are the greatest parent in the entire universe if you do. At least for an hour.
$1,199 - Buy from Dell

Wacom Cintiq 12WX 12.1-inch tablet / Photoshop - Is the girl on your list always doodling? Drawing all over your walls or precious sports memorabilia? The Wacom Cintiq tablet might be the gift (or deterrent) that you're in search of. The 12.1-inch, 1280 x 800 display is large enough to provide a useful workspace, but small enough to be portable and sit comfortably on a table or lap. You'll definitely want to tack Photoshop on to this purchase, of course, and really kick those creative impulses into high gear. Only the worst daughter in the world would spurn such an extraordinary gift.
$999 - Buy the Cintiq 12WX from Wacom
$699 - Buy CS4 from Adobe

For mom

HP TouchSmart IQ800 series - If you're willing to spend a little more cash, however, we'd say the TouchSmart is the way to go. The friendly, touch-enabled media and internet apps will have Mom actually using her computer for more than forwarding chain emails, and who knows -- you could actually look forward to getting those service calls.
$1,749 - Buy from HP

Solar-powered SunTable - Sure, it's not cheap at $3,600, but if Mom spends any time on the deck, she'll be all over this solar-cell table, which can power a laptop for four hours on a three-hour charge. You'll have to act fast, though -- only 50 are being made.
$2,200 - Buy from SunTable

Honda FCX Clarity - If your mom is a big time geek, seriously cares about the environment, lives in the Torrance, Santa Monica or Irvine area, and makes a habit of putting her friends to shame with her worldly belongings, this is pretty much the end of the line. Honda's revolutionary fuel-cell-driven FCX Clarity is about as sweet as they get in the eco-friendly car field, and with a limited number of them available, it's also quite the status symbol. There's a waiting list right now, so if you bag this one for mom, you're definitely her favorite -- no matter what she tells your siblings.
$600 monthly (3-year lease) - Buy from Honda

For dad

Canon EOS 50D - Know what dad needs to match his mid-life crisis? A mid-range DSLR. While the gym won't work any miracles at his age, at least he can upgrade his old Canon body to a new 50D. Sure, you can give the EOS 5D Mark II instead, but everyone knows that a man with a shiny new sports car (and girlfriend to match) can't be trusted with 1080p video.
~$1,400 with kit lens - Shop for Canon EOS 50D

Ovei home theater pod - Take a second and imagine your pops in the Ovei home theater pod. The air-conditioned capsule is meant to give him a completely immersive gaming or theater experience... for $75,000. Really though, it's the least you can do for the man after he paid your college tuition without even once demanding that you work fast food.
£50,000 - Buy from Ovei

Pioneer Kuro PDP-5020FD

Pioneer KURO PDP-6020FD plasma - Look, we know it's hard. Not everyone can say "I love you" to their fathers. So why not show him that love instead with the magnificent 60-inch KURO PDP-6020FD plasma from Pioneer. Even your heart doesn't get this black.
~$4,000 to $5,500 - Shop for KURO PDP-6020FD

Lenovo's ThinkPad X200 Tablet - Feel free to laugh all you want in private, but in your father's company, you should at least humor his claims that the Tablet PC is the next big thing. Certainly the X200 with that stubborn ThinkPad design is the perfect gift for a man who's held onto the dream since late 2000. Just be sure to toss in the optional 12.1-inch multitouch LED panel -- who knows, by the time Windows 7 is released, your father might actually be right.
$1,844+ - Buy from Lenovo

Tesla Roadster - It's fast, it's silent, and it makes pretty, young debutantes swoon at the sight of the Silicon Valley blowhard who drives it. We're talking about the all-electric Tesla Roadster of course -- what better way to tell your mother that her marriage is over?
$109,000 - Reserve from Tesla

For colleague

Dell Precision M6400 Covet - For those employees looking to really reward their hard-working co-workers, we can't think of many machines more well suited for the task that Dell's appropriately named Precision M6400 Covet mobile workstation. Sure, it'll run you just south of four large, but it pretty much ensures he / she will come to your wedding with oodles of loaded up gift cards.
$3,859+ - Buy from Dell

Drobo + DroboShare - Never mind that you know exactly what kinds of dark, decadent interoffice love letters will be redundantly stored on this thing, the point is to make your colleague happy. And look, giving him / her the assurance that those steamy quips won't vanish forever if the boss confiscates the company computer will undoubtedly make a lovestruck co-worker immeasurably jovial. For better or worse.
$1,198 for the pair - Buy from Drobo

CineMassive OmegaPlex - Nothing says "job well done" quite like 27.6 million pixels across a dozen panels. Or a $12,995 present. Incredibly, you can gift someone with something that fits both criteria in the gargantuan CineMassive OmegaPlex. We don't reckon we need to clue you in on what you could do with 7,860 x 3,600 worth of resolution, but let's just say you'd never have to look at overlapping Excel sheets ever again.
$12,995 - Buy from CineMassive

For enemy

Epson Hello Kitty laptop - This underpowered $1,533 machine with a one-hour battery life would be a terrible present even if it didn't have some of the worst Hello Kitty art we've ever seen stuck to the lid, but you know what? It's got some of the worst Hello Kitty art we've ever seen stuck to the lid.
$1,533 - Shop for Hello Kitty laptop

Honda introduces new walking assist machine, doubles as bionic wedgie maker

Honda Walking Assist Device with Bodyweight Support System - Yes, there are many people out there who'd be absolutely thrilled to receive Honda's latest walking aid out of love -- but pretty much everyone else will just look like a giant fatass who needs a robo-wedgie to help them walk.

Bioscleave House - Let's be honest -- if you hate someone enough to buy them a wacky $2m art house with an undulating floor and off-kilter windows designed to keep occupants "on guard" at all times to "maintain equilibrium," you probably need to spend the money on a vacation.