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Caption contest: this is why grocery stores shouldn't sell smartphones
"We call it a very nice phone and you can get it on a 12 month contract." Oh, really, Tesco? Nifty! So, how much is that bag of day-old doughnuts... with and without a contract? Don: "Knowing my luck, if I buy this now they'll have an iPhone 4 with a Bold keyboard on sale next week." Darren: "Do you guys sell a vegan model?" Michael: "At Tesco, we've got raspberries, strawberries, and... ThunderBerries?" Tim: "With Android, are you supposed to squeeze it or shake it to tell if it's ripe?" Chris: "You can find it in the toothpaste aisle of your local grocery store." Myriam: "Behold the Desire Torch, a new AndroBerry phone from HTRIM... now available in the cheese aisle." Richard Lai: "By popular demand we have extended our Tesco Mobile Rewards offer to our shanzhai range." Sean Hollister: "And Tesco embraced fragmentation, the only way it knew how." Vlad: "Hey, if RIM's gonna use our apps on its tablet, then we're gonna use its buttons on our phones. Fair's fair." [Thanks, Matt O.]
Caption Contest: Russian prez is impressed by iPad 2
In non-Soviet Russia... presidents tend to receive some pretty swanky high-tech gifts. Dmitry Medvedev, leader of the good people of Russia and one of the few men to successfully rock denims with a suit jacket, has been bestowed with a fresh new iPad 2 and his facial expression seems to suggest he was immediately irradiated with blasts of magic, fairy dust, and the smiles of innocent children from across the world. We just hope he hasn't seen the crummy camera yet, he is something of a tablet photography connoisseur. Darren: "Why, lookie there! I can see Alaska from my iPad 2!" Joe: "I can't believe I'm playing chess with Garry Kasparov!" Jose: "I wonder if Barack also likes to play Risk on his iPad." Josh F.: "See? The cat is talking but he's saying 'has' instead of 'have!'" Don: "Kickin' in the front seat, sittin' in the back seat, gotta make my mind up, which seat can I take?" Tim: "Look, it already has Words with Comrades installed!" Vlad: "And this has push notifications for when Mr. Putin has instructions for me, yes?" Richard Lawler: "10,000 apps and it's still cheaper than buying the New Jersey Nets." Myriam: "And so if I tap here, it opens the door to the shark tank... and over here are the laser controls. Cool, eh?" Richard Lai: "Hullo Anna!"
Caption contest, video edition: Android gets its groove back
The Android mascot certainly gets around, there's no doubt about that -- but did you know it can also get down? Watch and learn. Tim: "And thus the talent portion of the Ms. Xperia Arc pageant proved to be far more interesting than the swimsuit competition." Darren: "First stop: Akihabara Mall. Next stop: Dancing with the Stars." Joe: "Fragmentation or no, our man can still krump with the best of them." Don: "And now, a preview of Android 3.2: Electric Boogaloo." Sam: "What version of Android is the person in the costume running?" Chris: "I call this next move the Force Close." Myriam: "Go-go gadget Android dance app?" Michael: "I've seen b-boys and b-girls, but never knew there were b-bots." Richard Lawler: "Chris Brown is making a quick comeback after today's Good Morning America blowup." Christopher: "Lady Gaga fires stylist following first mall appearance." Sean Hollister: "Look ma, no thumbs!" [Thanks, Anders]
Caption Contest: Obama has dinner with tech industry CEOs
Barack Obama is a president well known for being in touch with technology, so it's no surprise to see him wining and dining the industry's biggest decision makers. Larry Ellison, Eric Schmidt, Carol Bartz, Mark Zuckerberg, and yes, even Steve Jobs joined el presidente for an informal dinner on Thursday to discuss important things like jobs, education, and research spending. We're not here for that, though, we're here to drop zingers about one all-powerful dude and his big-time CEO buddies. Thomas: "Here's to project Soylent Green." Joe: "This sure beats the Four Loko Summit we held last summer on the White House lawn." Chris: "So let's just jam through this dinner real quick." Josh T: "I hope no one authorizes a 'kill switch' on this party." Paul: "At this very moment we're millions of miles from a doomed planet Earth!" Nilay: "Gentlemen, Ballmer has neutralized the Finnish threat." Richard Lai: "Drink up, kids -- it's Dance Central time!" Tim: "Zuck, it's like Final Club, except with the President."
Caption contest: publicity stunt generating publicity
We do hate to play into wily PR folks' attention-grabbing campaigns, but when they're quite so nutty, we can't help but admire them. UK network Three is trying to promote its hotspots (we think) by having dudes wearing full-body underwear running around with "Human Hotspot" signs and what looks like part of the Engadget logo throughout London. We don't get it, but we do love it. Thomas: "I can look up your WEP." Vlad: "Please note, dressing up as a Trojan won't protect you from actual trojans." Nilay: "Touch my junk and I'll have you arrested." Darren: "I'm probably working... even if the tube drivers aren't." Richard Lai: "My SSID is quite well hidden, if I may say so." Carlos: "I'm hot... or not?" Tim: "I knew that Fantastic Four movie was a bad career move. Time for a new agent." Ross: "Ask about where I keep my SIM card." Myriam: "Spot the hotness." Sam: "The Blue Man Group member that never was." Josh T.: "Due to his drug habit and carousing, the Invisible Man had been forced into a number of demeaning jobs."
Caption Contest: Steve Ballmer goes on kill-crazy rampage at Microsoft Store
In the photo above you see Microsoft's Steve Ballmer performing a ribbon cutting at the company's new store in Bellevue, Washington. Shortly after finishing with the ribbon, Ballmer proceeded to rampage the store and patrons, leaving 17 dead, 6 wounded, and a stunned Miley Cyrus wondering if she had made the wisest career decisions. Ballmer was finally subdued by Dave Matthews, who knocked the CEO unconscious with an 8-foot bong. Josh: "I'm a PC, and I'm going to mess up your insides so bad, you'll pray for death." Ben Bowers: "Anyone else want to claim Windows 7 was their idea?" Chris: "To the cloud! With Windows 7 and Windows Live, Microsoft can mix and match its CEO's best faces until it's able to piece together a photo it's proud to share." Ross: "Using the power of Control-X while mobile is just one of the many superpowers Ballmer has and Windows Phone 7 users don't." Darren: "Moments before this tremendous occasion, Ballmer begrudgingly confirmed a prompt questioning his true intentions to dismantle a red ribbon." Nilay: "Touch my junk and I'll have you arrested." Don: "There can only be one!" Vlad: "I love this company! I love it so much I'm gonna cut it up into little pieces and eat it!" Joe: "Clearly event organizers hadn't planned for every possible emergency." Thomas: "Baby Ballmer cuts his own cord thankyouverymuch." Myriam: "Developers! It's time to get cut and paste into Windows Phone 7..."
Caption contest: Gulliver's iPhone makes it big in Hollywood
So apparently the hidden island of Lilliput has cellular coverage, but who cares -- it's still gonna be another crap movie. Way to ruin Gulliver's Travels with Jack Black. Joe: "Finally, Angry Birds the way it was meant to be played." Darren: "That's a big iPhone." Josh T.: "The monolith taught the monkeys to kill, also, how to make conference calls." Paul: "Time-traveling Jack Black plants hidden iPhone reference in Jonathan Swift novel." Thomas: "It's holding you wrong." Tim: "Eighteen months ago, the first evidence of intelligent life off the Earth was discovered. It was buried forty feet below the lunar surface, near the crater Cupertino." Vlad: "It's just a jumbo iPhone, I don't see what all the fuss is about." Sam: "What does this mean? It's so bright, so vivid." Sean H.: "And so did the tiny scholars toil for decades to unravel the mysteries of the blue block, and the significance of its question marks." Richard Lai: "Paul Miller makes a cameo appearance in this scene, tut-tuts at the low pixel density." Myriam: "I'm crushing your head! I'm crushing your head!"
Caption this, win a white Vindictus wolf hood! [Updated 11/5]
See that picture above? Yeah, it needs a caption, and we need you to caption it! Of course, we're not asking you to be creative for absolutely nothing. We know that it's hard coming up with funny captions for screenshots, and that's why we're adding a little bit of an incentive into the mix. How would you guys like, oh, a Vindictus wolf hood? And we're not talking about the common, everyone-has-one, red Vindictus hoods either. No, no, we're talking about the new white wolf hoods! Our good friends at Nexon have sent us five white Vindictus wolf hoods, and we really want to give them away to the five best captions we receive for this picture. If you're interested in throwing your caption into the ring, then just click the "read more" button to get the full scoop on this contest! [Update: Check behind the break for an update to the contest!]
Caption contest: not feeling so Mega today
This year's Tokyo Game Show is naturally full of people in interesting costumes, but there was just... something about this Mega Man that caught our eye, making him stand out from the sea of similarly giant-headed mascots. Despite having a laser for an arm he just didn't look like he was having a particularly good day. Josh T.: "Ladies, here's one you don't want to miss. Tall, handsome, shoots fireballs, ice, or electricity from his left arm, total sex machine. Bidding starts at $200." Tim: "You'd be making this face too if you had a saggy diaper that leaks." Darren: "P90x... what a rip-off." Paul: "If I have to star in one more shameless reissue cash-in..." Sean: "...but not as dour as the day he posed for the original Mega Man box art." Vlad: "Stewie was far from happy. He'd specifically asked for an aquamarine supervillain outfit, not turquoise. Philistines!" Chris: "When he gets like this, autograph sessions usually end in a fatality or two." Richard Lai: "Have you seen the size of his cannon in the Mega Man movie? No wonder he's mad."
Caption contest: nothing easy about this rider
Sony Ericsson's booth at IFA this year includes an Xperia-themed chopper that you can sit on and have your picture taken -- with a Sony Ericsson cameraphone, of course. As of press time, no word on when it'll be updated to use unleaded gasoline. Chris: "It'll be available at local dealers mere moments after you finally stop wanting it." Nilay: "Unfortunately, it runs Android 1.6" Darren: "A fine substitute for the PSP Phone you've been dreaming of." Laura: "Fail hog." Ross: "Still no pinch-to-zoom, but at least here, that kind of makes sense." Don: "Mr. Stringer, your chariot awaits." Vlad: "Sony just couldn't help throwing in a bit of product placement in its Terminator 2 remake." Tim: "It's bigger, heavier, slower, and way more expensive than other models -- but hey, look at all that chrome! Oh, yeah, the bike isn't bad either." Sean: "Active shutter glasses sold separately." Thomas: "**Model shown is coming soon. Actual product is a horse."
Caption Contest: the Queen's RIM visit
One does what one must to keep oneself up with the times. Queenie from the British block is still doing her whirlwind tour of Canada, and this latest snapshot shows her on a visit to RIM's production facilities. Josh: "Which one of these buttons summons Sir Lancelot?" Vlad: "I was told there'd be crack and berries here, what's this stuff?" Thomas: "Is that where the little man talks in my ear?" Chris: "Your Majesty's SAS are receiving these fitted with a taser, oil slick, poison gas, and an impossible-to-use interface that will discourage theft by foreign agents." Darren: "Don't you dare send me home with a CDMA version!" Richard Lai: "I don't care what Phillip says -- I'm totally getting this Colorwared. Do you take cash?" Tim: "Hold on, dearie, I haven't typed enough o's into 'Helllloooooooooooo!'" Joanna: "I fancy this browser, it's as slow as me." Joe: "Now I can finally see Fergie's drunken Tweets." Drita: "Careful now, you're holding it the wrong way!" Jacob: "Add me on BBM!!!" Nilay: "I specifically asked for a railroad." Myriam: "Would you like to touch my monkey?" [Thanks, Eddie H.]
Caption contest: Bing bus goes searching for search results
Bus. Ice cream truck. Personal space invader. Vessel of illicit speaker transport. It's all semantics, anyway. Darren: "Man, this smoke is great, but damn if I'm not suddenly craving an orange Push Up." Joe: "Unlike the Street View car, the Bing truck is equally at home on the street or at a rave." Chris: "In the event the authorities get too close for comfort, Bing is prepared to take its entire operation mobile for weeks at a time, stopping only to refuel." Don: "At last, the real decision engine is revealed." Richard Lawler: "Ok, so the plot is, we pick up "models" off the street... and find low cost plane tickets, product reviews or a nice restaurant for them. That's it." Ross: "Creative Picture Framing" indeed, Microsoft. Creative picture framing, indeed. Joanna: "Didn't we just do a sketchy tech van caption contest!?" Richard Lai: "For the last time: we don't sell froyo here." Tim: "Creative Picture Framing was a front for GHOST: Google Hating Operatives with better Search Technology. Jeeves had already arrived in his blacked out Benz, but the Altavista boys were nowhere to be found." Myriam: "Oh, I see! It's an art car for Burning Man... Right." [Thanks, Hosain]
Caption contest: the Verizon van makes a pit stop
Is there any love more forbidden? Nilay: "So... do you have the iPhone?" Ross: "Hey, we ran out of markers coloring our 3G coverage map, can we borrow yours?" Richard Lai: "Stealth sabotage fail." Chris: "Can you hear me now, [censored]?" Thomas: "Trust me, I just need help lifting this couch into the van." Sean Hollister: "Stick together -- it's the T-Mobile way." Vlad: "And this, dear friends, is where all your phone tariffs are calculated, negotiated, and determined. Yay, free market!" Tim: "Ten years ago, a crack wireless unit was kicked out of Bell Atlantic for a crime it didn't commit. This group promptly escaped from a maximum security stockade to the Los Angeles underground. Today, still wanted by the FCC, they survive as soldiers of fortune. If you have a problem, if no one else can help, and if you can find them, maybe you can hire... The V-Team." Laura: "There's like, a map for this, right?" Darren: "Hey, someone has to mop the floors around here, right?" Joanna: "Rumor: Verizon to get rollover minutes!" Paul: "What the world needs now..." Myriam: "Hey man, I have some great speakers to sell you real cheap." [Thanks, Brad]
Caption contest: Windows 7-themed restaurant serves 64-bit grub in Taiwan
We (falsely) assumed that the Windows 7 Whopper would be the last food item ever associated with an operating system, and now we're quite literally eating our words. As the story goes, a Hot Fried 77 restaurant has opened up over in Taiwan, offering tons of "Windows-themed meals" for NTD $77 (around $3 in Greenbacks), and judging by the cornucopia of images down there in the source, we're guessing this is no prank. We're debating whether laughing or crying is the appropriate emotion here. Josh T.: "While you're throwing .bak some fries and a burger, you should enjoy a .dll pickle." Nilay: "This is not what we meant by Windows 7 Server." Chris: "I'm a PC, and putting down a pint of Beast while installing Windows 7 was my idea." Richard Lai: "This is the real Windows Genuine Advantage." Joe: "We like to believe that Microsoft started with the restaurant and then reverse engineered an OS." Richard Lawler: "Obviously, there's no word for Seagrams in their language." Darren: "You haven't heard? Alcohol consumption by end-user is now listed in Minimum System Requirements." Josh F.: "When reading 'serve it to us on a plate' in a literal sense goes horribly right." Joanna: "Everything I come up with is just wrong." Don: "Can you tell me where the XP Cafe is?" Paul: "Would you like that in 32-bit or 64-bit?" [Thanks, Chris]
Caption contest: four wheels of human-powered doom
Meet Earthmine's "pedestrian area platform quadracycle." The company claims it's a way to map areas of the world that can't be reached by its camera-equipped SUVs... but we think the truth may be far more sinister than that. Diabolical, even. Joanna: "Do you really need a helmet on one of those?" Chris: "Google finally gets around to mapping Bedrock." Vlad: "My other car is a spymobile." Ross: "Get your cameras runnin', head out on the highway, lookin' for adventure and whatever comes our way" Sean H.: "You mean I can exercise and survive a Smoke Monster attack? Sweet!" Darren: "Yeah, GM contacted me about taking this commercial... instead they made the Aztec." Richard: "See Dr. Zaius, they can be domesticated." Josh F.: "Dive, dive!" Thomas: "Earthmullet: party in the front, business in the back." Tim: "When this periscope's a rockin', don't come a knockin'."
Massively's EVE Online Tyrannis contest, part 2: Caption competition
Last week we launched the first of three awesome EVE Online contests in association with CCP Games. To celebrate the upcoming launch of EVE's Tyrannis expansion with its impressive planetary interaction feature, we asked players to submit their best screenshots featuring planets. We expected around 25 entries but with the contest being open to international readers, we received an absolute flood of responses. A total of 114 screenshots were sent in before the deadline last night and we began the difficult process of choosing our favourite shots. Thanks to the generosity of the fellows at CCP, we were able to increase the number of winners from 5 to 10. Congratulations go to EVE players Agara Mnemion, Aurum Pax, Banana Ninja, driv4r, Garnoo, Ice Monster, Lamthara Lachesis, paritybit, SpiroTris and Vladmir Skef. Each of you will soon have a 30 day pilot's license delivered in-game by CCP. For those interested in seeing the winning screenshots, they're the first ten images in the colossal 114 entry gallery below. %Gallery-92556% Skip past the cut for this week's second part of our amazing Tyrannis contest trilogy. Think up a funny caption for our screenshot and you could win two months of EVE game time! UPDATE: Winners announced at the end of the post! All winners will be emailed to arrange delivery of their prizes.
Caption Contest: Justin Bieber is an eenie meenie miney mo lova... of the Sony Dash
Here's a little inside baseball on why yours truly typically works alone at night: when in control, I give writers some, erm, creative mandates. Such as watching an entire Justin Bieber / Sean Kingston music video to contribute to this caption contest... but not telling them when exactly the Sony Dash and Sony Ericsson X10 make their respective cameos. Blatant abuse of authority? Probably, but as we sow, so shall you reap. The unfortunately US-only music video (and a picture of Kingston totally geeking out on subpar smartphone technology) after the break. Nilay: "Is there a widget that alerts me when I'm not a trending topic?" Ross: "You don't need to roll the dice... there's already a widget for that." Chris: "It's small, fits in any decor, and makes a great gift for mom. The Sony Dash also appears in the video." Joanna: "The stars, err, prepubescent boys are just like us: they'd rather play with tech than party." Richard Lai: "This Sony Dash should make.believe I've reached puberty." Sean H: "Not trying to rewind... I've just got to turn down the color temperature, it's ruining my tan." Sam: "Meh, by the time I reach puberty this thing is going to be obsolete." Tim: "I'm glad you're not a real Chumby. This way I'm still the cuddliest thing in the room." Thomas: "Who the hell is Justin Bieber?" Paul: "And I was like baby, baby, baby ohhh, baby, baby... oh, were we supposed to come up with something funny here? [Thanks, Kristopher Piersiak]
Caption contest: It's time to share... an '83 GMC Vandura
A rusty short bus isn't the first thing you expect to find parked -- nay, displayed -- outside one of Microsoft's most important events of the year, but alas... here it is. Josh: "It's time to share... this gun." Chris: "We assure you that the display of an inconvenient, worn-out, inefficient, disabled van isn't a metaphor for what we're about to show you." Nilay: "Microsoft takes sexting to the next level." Joe: "Creepiest ice cream truck ever." Richard Lai: "Way to re-use a prop from Zombieland." Thomas: "It's time to share... wives." Joanna: "Microsoft Pink: Get on the short bus." Don: "Needs more airbrush." Paul: "When not selling phones to tweens, Jimmy tours with his post-grunge band and runs an illicit button making operation." Ross: "The van of choice for 38-year old life maximizers."
Caption contest: solar suits, or the future of punishment for eco-abusers?
We get the impression that these guys are really just putting the pressure on "evil corporations" to stop grounding mountains in the everlasting search for coal, but it's not really the environmental activism that caught our attention here. Rather, it's the fact that we're 84.3 percent certain we saw these exact same characters in a Daft Punk video back in college. Seriously -- check the video out after the break and tell us we're loony. Josh T.: "Totally off the grid in regard to both power and girlfriends." Thomas: "And now Solar Sprockets, we dance!" Joe: "You have to go as far as Brussels to find a Devo tribute act worth its salt." Richard Lai: "In the future, humans won't need to eat." Paul: "Sure, they know how to capture the electricity, but do they know what to do with it?" Justin: "In the future, all bands will play the washboard." Laura: "Did anyone make a Beastie Boys joke yet?" Darren: "SABOTAGE." Richard Lawler: "This is not what Boston meant when they said I take what I find."
Caption Contest: 3D is a mind blow, everyone can agree on that
What do b-boys, random celebrities like Mark Sanchez, Andy Samberg and Hillary Duff, and the Black Eyed Peas have to do with 3DTV? We're not sure either, but that didn't stop Samsung from mixing them up during its "worldwide launch event" yesterday in NYC. Check the video (embedded after the break) for the above revelation about 3D from the JIMP troubador himself, but what was going through the heads of our friend Jimmy C and the BEP when this picture was taken? Chris: "And see, just by turning this knob to the right, we can give Avatar a plot." Richard Lawler: "If everyone starts wearing these, we're going to need new outfits." Nilay: "Fascinating. You say this is called a 'lady lump?'" Joe: "What? Bono beat us to it?" Joanna: "That Neytiri, she's a handful..." Paul: "I've gotta feeling that nothing of intellectual importance is happening here."
